When we take a moment to summarize the main issues brought up, the message we are walking away with, and how the other person was feeling, we ensure that each person is seen and heard. When each party can articulate what was discussed fully, it allows a conversation to have closure.

Mike emphasized that being in a disagreement doesn’t have to be bad; you don’t always have to land on the same page. The goal of a healthy conversation is that both sides feel heard and both perspectives are soaked in, sparking growth for each listener.

We then started an open discussion with the question: How do you manage family political discourse in a constructive way?

Community members opened up about methods and tools used to approach difficult conversations with family members. One member, Ramona from Credo Studio, mentioned using a speaking stick. “When someone is holding it,” she explained, “they have the attention, and they’re not to be interrupted.” She also mentioned that when conflict arises, they respectfully ask, “are you willing to discuss this?” If not, maybe later, emphasizing the importance of consent. Ramona also suggested using the sandwich method, which delivers criticism between two compliments.

When in disagreement with her sister, another member, Priscilla, said they use breathing techniques to get through things. They can practice productive conversation skills by ensuring they’re in tune with themselves and not letting their emotions control them.

Bridgett, who is a mother to a five-year-old son, offered her experience and techniques to release stress by getting outside, kicking a ball or something, checking in with her body, and letting it out, possibly even through a dance party. She also mentioned it’s a good idea to devise a plan to follow when disagreements arise.

A member, Gladys, who recently moved back in with her parents and hasn’t attended a family function for a while, emphasized the value of validating our own feelings while acknowledging they may have reacted strongly to something triggering. “I’ll eventually say, you know what, I apologize for raising my voice at you,” she explained, “because that’s not what I wanted to do, but I’m still upset for X, Y, and Z reason.” Meaning no disrespect but still stating there was good reason for her to be upset.

Another community member, Amelia, beautifully described the value of giving ourselves grace when discussing the topic of approaching racism at the table, both explicitly and in its inherent form. As a mixed American of Kenyan and Indian descent, Amelia described a concept learned in college, “It is not the responsibility of BIPOC people to educate the majority–and in the United States, this case, white Americans–on the history of racism, and how to be anti-racist.” Amelia described an intrinsic desire to “fix my mom’s side of the family.” One thing Amelia learned when talking to their mom’s sisters and hearing certain ignorances is the enormous emotional toll it takes to respond to questions like: Well, why don’t you just teach us these things?

To give ourselves grace, we can make agreements with ourselves that we aren’t responsible for educating non-BIPOC people on racial issues. Amelia tells her aunts, “I really appreciate that you’re interested…You know, I’ve heard this book is good. Why don’t you try this?”

Amelia continued, “It’s really important for me to check my anti-racism as a person of mixed identity. But also knowing I’m human, and it’s gonna be an ongoing journey. Therefore everyone else has the right to their own journey and has the same access to resources.”

After a beautiful whiteboard session filled with conversation methods and affirmations, Ariel announced that she was leaving The Mixed Space and that this was her final night as a host. She talked about the transformation she’s experienced while working at The Mixed Space. “Through the conversations that we’ve had here, I’ve been able to come into my own identity and my mixedness, and feel really proud of who I am,” emphasizing her journey as a mixed Latina/Polish woman will only continue with a deeper sense of gratitude. “I’m so excited to see where The Mixed Space goes in the future,” Ariel concluded, “and I will be cheering from the sidelines.”